Are you saying that you have never used VNC on internal networks but never
over the internet?

I have used it to maintain specific machines where the VNC server was
setup ahead of time so I just pointed my viewer at a specific ip address.

However, saying that, I just signed up my client at dyndns and that
solved the issue.

VNC by itself over the internet is not secure. Some opt to run VNC inside
ssh or use a VPN.

I got VNC running on the laptop so I can login and fix it. I decided to
do it in reverse so I can get some files off of my computer when Im
away. The thing is, when Im looking at my ubuntu desktop, I can move the
mouse and I can click icons but I cant see anything happen. It doesnt
show real time updates on the other end.

VNC has several different protocols it uses. Is one better for linux?

That's because on Linux, the std VNC server does not let you login on
screen:0. You are actually seeing another instance of the desktop. There
is a vnc plugin for xorg that will allow you to see the actual desktop
or there is X11vnc.