finally got it working again (the wi-fi).

1. connected with ethernet lan cable
2. got the xubuntu updates
3. reset the profile in network manager (somehow
it did not have the right network essid (it was off
by 1 character and when you're tired, this
stuff tends to fall through the cracks)

4. edited /etc/network/interfaces once i verified
what channel my router was broadcasting on and typed it in.

5. ran iwfonfig - all was well.